omgoodness, I'm blogging again!

Dear readers, I know it has been a VERY long time since i posted anything on my blog. Life as you all know sends us many curve balls and challenges. I finally got a computer that works and have decided that i am going to blog again! I know, miracles do still occur! I will once again be searching the wacky world of strange and weird laws and warning labels. I will find those stupid signs posted around the world. I want to beg you to come back and explore the idiotic things we are expected to follow by lawyers, companies and public officials. Comments and suggestions are not only welcome, but would be GREATLY appreciated! I promise to to try and make you giggle and smile! Hope you read me soon! love, janene

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mom, wife, jeeper, motherinlaw, and crippled old granny.

COME ON WOMAN! LET'S GO!!!

Since the 1970's women have been protesting for equality. Evidently some states have failed miserably, and still treat women as "second class" citizens. One such state is Tennessee! In the city of Memphis, Tennessee it is illegal for a woman to drive a car,unless there is a man either running or walking in front of the moving vehicle waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. Although I see quite a few female idiot drivers on the streets  I still think this law is horribly wrong! I have seen bad male drivers too! Women of Memphis unite, show those stupidly misguided jerks that we females are a force to be reconned with! 

janene

OOPS!

Being a mom and having sick babies at times, I had to take their temperature. I never needed to take their temperature rectally, but if I had, I'm sure I would have kept a separate thermometer for that use only. And I'm positive I would sterilize it between use. But maybe that is just me! To help those people who aren't as germ phobic as I am, the electric thermometer manufacturer has added this warning in hopes that these non phobic people will at least follow instructions. "Do not use orally after using rectally!"

janene

What did that say?

Here are a few more silly signs. Enjoy, I did.

janene

Why would I want to?

Some warning labels you know are in place because some idiot has done something, well, IDIOTIC, and sued a company and won. My guess is that is what happened to "Apple". In the instruction manual that accompanies the "Ipod" shuffle is this little gem, "DO NOT EAT IPOD SHUFFLE" People, really! Apple's aren't always edible!

janene

Lost in translation?

English. A language you hear in just about every corner of the world. But sometimes the translation isn't quite right! A sign inside a Tokyo taxi reads, "Please fasten seatbelt to prepare for crash." And this sign in a Tokyo park reads, "KEEP JAPAN CLEAN DON'T BURN THE FIRE CHIEF". And this warning label is on a set of Korean knives,"WARNING!:KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN". On a package containing a shower cap at a hotel in Japan says, "fits one head." I wonder who that one person is! But one of my favorites is the sign hanging inside a public bathroom in China,(see picture) I can only assume they think tourists are so dumb they need instructions for the toilet!

janene

Jet Ski Enema?

Summer. The fun times riding your personal watercraft at high speed jumping waves and cooling off! If complete cleansing of you body cavities with dirty lake, river, or sea water isn't part of your plans, best wear protection other than sunscreen! This warning appears on Jet Ski personal water crafts, "Wear wet suits to protect against abrasions, hypothermia, and injuries to orifices (rectum and vagina) from impact with water surface." 

janene

Give it a rest P.E.T.A.!

Remember eating those cute little crackers shaped like animals? The fun little box shaped like a circus train! Well animal rights activists have even managed to make even innocent bakers of these little crackers post a disclaimer on their box. "No animals were harmed during the manufacture of this product!" Duh! They only LOOK like animals!

janene

Do NOT wash while wearing!

How many of us actually read the care instructions on our clothes? I hardly ever do. I think its good enough if I keep my colors and whites separated. But I think after finding these little gems I may pay closer attention! I just wish I knew why you wouldn't be able to use their shorts for sumo wrestling, and why a college students Jersey says basically, "You are a college student, but are dumb as a post, have mom do your laundry!" Uh, if they can drive, they can wash their own clothes!

janene

Legal?Yes.Wrong?Heck yes!

Some men, for reasons I just can't fathom enjoy dressing in well...dresses! But if they decide to stroll down a sidewalk in Miami, Florida "dressed" up, they better make sure their dress has straps! A Miami city ordinance states, "No male is to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless dress or gown." So I guess if your dudedress has straps stroll down those streets of Miami with what is left of your pride!

janene

A rose by any other name...

While researching stupid warning labels I found these innocent products with not so innocent names! When naming your product you should make sure it actually described the product. Here are some very funny examples of names gone wrong! 

janene

QUAKEY,SHAKY, OUCH!

I suppose if you live in a state with frequent  earthquakes like California, some things you just know to stop doing if a quake starts. However, being human, which occasionally means stupid, a disposable razor company decided to caution us. They placed a warning on their packages that reads, "DO NOT USE THIS PRODUCT DURING AN EARTHQUAKE!" Maybe they should have added, "if you are shaving naked and an earthquake starts, drop razor, grab robe, and run outside!"

janene

THAT'S MINE!

Sharing, such a wonderful thing to practice! But do not under any circumstances let anyone have a bite of your hamburger if you are in the state of Oklahoma! You see, it is not just frowned upon, it is ILLEGAL! In Oklahoma, "It is unlawful for any person to take a bite from another persons hamburger, and will NOT be tolerated!" So I guess maybe a loophole to this law could be, "If you are going to share...bring a knife?"

janene

Perverted Shakespeare?

This comes courtesy of the state of New Mexico. It seems that the state officials read different works from  shakespeare than I did, you see they found it sooo offensive they ordered more than 400 words they considered "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet. I guess their understanding of Shakespeare is better than mine, I just remember it being BORING not RACY!

janene

Dude! That's a big gun!

This law comes from the city of Seattle, Washington. "No person may carry a concealed weapon that measures over six feet in length". I am tiny, but even the tallest person couldn't conceal a six foot long gun! But if such a giant exists, he or she can carry anything they want! Who is going to stop them?

janene

We have a permit!

This law comes from the city of Chicago, Illinois. They don't mind if you protest naked in front of city hall if you follow these rules...#1 you must have a permit, #2 you must be under the age of seventeen. I can understand why Chicagoans don't want to see old wrinkled naked protesters, but really, why make it legal to protest naked at all?

janene

What?

There are just some things that are a given! Such as, wash behind your ears, wear clean underwear, wash your hands after using the bathroom, and brush your teeth three times a day. However, it is better to forgo the last one if the only "brush" available in the bathroom is the one to clean the toilet bowl! It even warns you not to! Stamped on the toilet brush is this bit of wisdom, "DO NOT USE ORALLY!" If you don't have a toothbrush, just put a little toothpaste on your finger and scrub your teeth! Its better than nothing, and definitely better than a toilet brush!!!!

janene

Hair of the dog...

Drunks do some pretty stupid things! But if they live in the state of Illinois in the city of Champaign, they better not party with their dog! You see it is illegal to give a dog whiskey! But, as with a lot of laws there may be a loophole, the law doesn't forbid dogs to drink alcohol, just whiskey, but do you really need a drinking buddy so badly that you make a Labrador into a lush? Well have fun and watch out for the folks from p.e.t.a!

janene

What the...why are they staring?

Window shopping, a great pastime if you are financially challenged. The things store owners do to make you look into THEIR windows are at times bizarre! The mechanical do-das and lights, etc. are pretty amazing!  It seems that when it comes to store window designs any thing goes! There is however an exception. In the city of Everett,  Washington it is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window. Good news for those idiot "mimes", hire them and lock them into a REAL glass box! Keep them contained away from us!

janene

Be careful what you say to the dead!

Finally! You get to tell them exactly what you have been wanting to say for YEARS! But if you live in the state of Georgia, it's best not to let it ALL out! A law from Georgia reads, "it is unlawful to use profanity or make crude gestures in front of a dead body which lies in wait at a funeral home or in a coroner's office or morgue." I guess if you must have the last word, keep it clean!

janene

This little piggy has boots!

This silly law comes from the beautiful state of Oklahoma. "It is unlawful to place your boots onto the hind legs of any farm animal" Okay, but do you really  think the piggy will mind? If you want to risk getting kicked in the head by an upset horse, pig, or bull, go ahead and try putting boots on them! I guess if they let you put them on they are cool with it!

janene

Guide dog not included.

Your car. You had to get all the options. The cool stereo system,the dvd player, onstar,and beautiful black leather luxury seats! Your pride and joy, you love the feel of buttery soft leather against your backside. Cruising around you feel like royalty! Then summer  comes. The beautiful black leather seats you had to have, the ones so soft against your butt, WELL NOW THEY BURN YOUR BUTT! The hot sun and black leather are a horrible combination! But there is a solution, "Auto-shade windshield visor" guaranteed to keep your cars interior cooler. Installation simple! Just unroll shade and place it against the inside of the windshield. But be sure you heed this Caution! "WARNING! Do not drive with sunshade in place! Remove shade from windshield  before starting ignition!" If you are too stupid andwithout any common sense, and try driving with the shade in place, I hope you have a very fast running guide dog to guide your stupid butt around,

Ring around the bathtub!

I admit it, I let my tub get pretty dirty between scrubbings, BUT NOT AS DIRTY AS THE ONE IN THE PICTURE! Okay, that having been said, I am always looking for products that make the job easier. As I have always feared, there is no magic cleaner. At least one bathtub cleaner is brave enough to admit they don't have a wonder formula either! Right on the bottle of a popular bathtub cleaner is this bit of enlightenment, "For best results, start with a clean bathtub before use."  I WISH I COULD, but if it was already clean, I wouldn't need bathtub cleaner! The only thing that works, good old elbow grease! DARN IT!

janene

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