omgoodness, I'm blogging again!

Dear readers, I know it has been a VERY long time since i posted anything on my blog. Life as you all know sends us many curve balls and challenges. I finally got a computer that works and have decided that i am going to blog again! I know, miracles do still occur! I will once again be searching the wacky world of strange and weird laws and warning labels. I will find those stupid signs posted around the world. I want to beg you to come back and explore the idiotic things we are expected to follow by lawyers, companies and public officials. Comments and suggestions are not only welcome, but would be GREATLY appreciated! I promise to to try and make you giggle and smile! Hope you read me soon! love, janene

About Me

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mom, wife, jeeper, motherinlaw, and crippled old granny.

What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Thanksgiving, Christmas, NewYears. The holiday's are celebrated in as many different ways as there are people in the world. What makes them special and unique to each of us are our traditions. Most of our traditions are passed down from generation to generation, sometimes changing a bit when a couple marries and meshes their family traditions, or even starting their very own new traditions. In some cases traditions are even..."stolen"...from other families. It doesn't matter where yours come from, it just matters that you make them your own. In our own family we have kept some from both Allan's family and mine...and when our kids came along we started some of our own. I've always loved to hear what other families do that make the holiday season special and unique just for them. I will share a few of our traditions and would love it if you would all share one of yours! Some of our traditions are very simple, for example...we always buy a live tree from the same tree vendor, and we always spend no more than 30$ on it. If you have ever bought a live tree you know that trees in that price range are usually pretty sparse. A long standing joke is our Christmas tree is the "Charlie brown" tree.  Charlie's tree was very sad with hardly any branches and even the single little ornament on it was too much for the poor little tree to bear. Our trees aren't that sad, but I usually throw it out on December 26th or 27th anyway! Probably my favorite tradition takes place on Christmas Eve. I'm not sure how old the kids were when we started it, but even though they are adults now we still do it! After the kids are in their new Christmas jammies, the kids drink hot chocolate while dad reads to them the story book,"Polar Express." and then it's off to bed! One year Courtney even asked for a bell from Santa's sleigh like the one from the story. I think she was testing out the whole, "is there or isn't there," a Santa thing. She got her special bell, but it was difficult trying to find a special enough looking bell to fill the request! This year we have been blessed with our very first grandchild! Courtney and Matt have a beautiful baby boy! This year grandma and grandpa are giving Courtney and Matt their own copy of the "polar express",  and little jj is getting a bell. From this Christmas on all of the grandkids will receive a new bell every year from grandpa and grandma to go with the story, and as they get older the bells will become more fragile and delicate all having the date on them. I hope it will be something they will look forward to! When grandchildren come into new households they too will get their own book and a bell a year from grandpa and grandma. The challenge will be finding different bells for each child every year, but I'm looking forward to the adventure!  However you spend your holiday season just remember that its the little usually inexpensive things that make the biggest brightest memories!

Happy?!? Holidays!

Some rears shouldn't be viewed!

Common sense. Most people have it , but there are other people out there in this big wide world of ours  that have never even heard of it! For this special group of ...well "Special" people, warning labels were created. Case in point, the motorcycle helmet mounted with a rear view mirror. "Remember objects in mirror are behind you." WoW! I would never have guessed that images in my REAR VIEW mirror were BEHIND me!So."" rear view" mirrors are for seeing things behind you! What a concept! Now we know that it is possible to see things BEHIND us, we should  take a good look and see what the poor souls following us are seeing. There are some "Rear views" that just should never be seen!

Fwd: Going home!



My sweet grandson came into this world a little early, but he is perfect! But as with all babies born with Olsen genes he struggled just a tiny bit and couldn't leave the hospital with his mom and had to stay in the nursery. He had a bout with jaundice and the pediatric doc decided he needed to stay. It broke his mommy's heart as well as mine, for I remember all too well how hard it is to go home without your little one. Courtney had to stay in the nbicu for almost two weeks. She had an infection and was on oxygen and antibiotics. The day I went home and she had to stay,even though I knew she was in good hands, was still one of the roughest days of my life. When Courtney called and told me she couldn't take little jj home with her I knew just how she was feeling. But a miracle happened and little jj is healthy and perfect and HOME with his mommy and daddy where he belongs. My heart soared when I heard Courtney's voice on the phone telling me they were all home safe and sound! The joy in her voice came all the way to me and entered my heart! Then my son sent me a picture of precious jj all decked out in his BYU attire all ready to head home to his loving home. Yes Courtney it brought a tear to my eye! Then I received pictures of my precious jj wrapped in the blanket I knitted for him, wishing he was wrapped in my arms! This is the beginning of a long life filled with love and joy, and grandma is going to spoil him and Courtney and Matt, you can't stop me! Or Grandpa! What a wonderful adventure this is going to be!

Over the river and through the woods to grandma olsens house we go!!!


There are some very special moments we have in our lives. Your first words, your first 2wheeler bike, your drivers license, your first love....your first heartbreak, getting married to the man of your dreams, the births of your children, and now i am very blessed to add becoming a grandma to the list. This morning, November 18,2010 at 3:40am cute, adorable, sweet, smart, etc-etc, my grandson was born. Courtney was so brave and awesome!She dilated from 2cm to 10cm in about 2hours,and then pushed for about 30min and he was here! James John Cheshire. That is his very special family legacy name!James comes from his dads legacy and he will be the 5th generation to have the first name James. John is another legacy name. It comes from my side(Johnson side)of the family. My grandfathers name was John Lamar Johnson.Its a big proud name! Too big of a name for such a little guy so we call him jj! It is very cute and fits him well. I have gotten to hold him a couple times, NOT ENOUGH!,and its heaven! I love the way he smells and the way he crinkles up his little face! I have so much love i want to shower This little guy, and Courtney you cant stop me! Little jj looks a lot like his uncle Nate, and Courtney...in other words...GORGEOUS! And I'm not saying that just because he is my grandson! I am looking forward to doing a whole bunch of spoiling! This grandma thing is going to be the most wonderful thing I've done!EVER! Courtney and Matt are wonderful parents and make cute kids, so i hope they have a bunch more! One of my dreams is to have a house full of grand kids on Christmas eve,wearing the new pj grandma made or bought, Matt singing Christmas carols and ua joining in, then grandpa Allan reading the "Polar Express" while the kids eat sugar cookies and drink hot chocolate. I hope my dream comes true very soon. Well back to the subject...Courtney and Matt and jj are all cuddled up on Courtney's bed sleeping. It is a wonderful picture. Such a sweet little family! I just love them all so much. Courtney and Matt are looking forward to showing the handsome little guy off! But with flu season here they may just have to keep him away from people, but I'm sure they will post lots of pictures on facebook! i am still so extremely thrilled to be a grandma and I'm looking forward to my dreams to come true!

Swiss Banks will store anything, or ANYONE!

This law comes from the beautiful country of Switzerland.The Swiss have been famous for storing stolen money, art and gold in their bank vaults, NO QUESTIONS ASKED! But they also have a law stating what the bank owners Cannot refuse to store! In Switzerland it is illegal for bank owners to refuse vault owners to store dead relatives in their vaults, provided the period of storage does not exceed 7 months. I suppose after that amount of time the body is pretty ripe and ready for planting....all i can say is...ewwwwww. I hope they are stored in urns! 

Batteries not included!

It is getting to be that time of year when dads and moms are furiously buying all the fun electronic gifts for christmas, and double checking that the correct amount of batteries for each one has been purchased. There is nothing more upsetting than giving that electronic gadget so dear to a childs heart and not having enough power to make it go! All parents have become to hate this simple phrase..."Batteries not included!". But be sure as you buy those batteries that you read the package, you see on one brand of batteries the package actually says, you guessed it..."BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED!". It is a package of BATTERIES! Are they seriously saying that there are no batteries contained within this package of BATTERIES?

Richest woman in Chicago arrested for vagrancy!"

"Who the hell carries cash anymore?"
The mighty dollar. For so long that little green piece of paper was our main currency. Enter the computer age, now no body carries cash anymore. The mighty dollar has been replaced by the debit or credit card. Some places even refuse to take cash anymore!But if you live in the state of Illinois, you better carry at least one of those greenbacks or you may land in jail! An Illinois law reads, "Any person walking on any public street or  sidewalk or visiting any public park must have at least one dollar on their person or they will be arrested for vagrancy and placed in jail." How many of you have a dollar bill on you right now...i don't, but i have a debit card a credit card and even a Walmart gift card worth about 50$. If I were in Chicago I would be arrested for vagrancy! I wonder if some of Chicago's very rich residents, such as Oprah carries a dollar, my guess is if this law were actually in forced the jails would be full of very angry people paying their bail with their debit cards!

Then I do what?


The monthly visit from "aunt flow". The Annoying thing we women have to put up with!  The use of tampons and such are just a fact of life for us. But I guess some women are not that adept at using them. The instructions for tampon use found inside every box is pretty funny, unless of course you are stupid and dont comprehend what you are supposed to do. But the last instruction really makes me crack up, the final step of tampon use instruction...."Pull up underwear". Whew I'm soo glad they tell you that...I would hate to walk around with my pants down!

DON'T EAT THAT! OR FLICK IT!

Nose picking is a bad habit no matter how you do it, but if you do it in Alabama you better not flick it! It's illegal! Alabama has a law actually making it illegal to flick boogers into the wind. Was the flying booger problem out of control? It's called "Kleenex" Alabamans!

There should be a law against that!

"Yes, this atm has been raped."
This is another one of those warning labels that you know had to have been created after some moron somewhere did something, well, moronic! These idiots don't possess common sense, but they do possess too much time on their hands and lawyers on speed dial. On the side of a.t.m. machines is this cute little warning..."Please do not insert penis!" Now i know in todays age sexual perversion is pretty rampant, but come on DUDES, an atm machine? What the heck. Do you find atms that sexy and desirable? Or is it the money inside that turns you on? If any atm lover out there is brave enough to shed some light onto this strange behavior, I will totally keep your identity a secret!!

EVER HEARD OF BREATHMINTS DUDE?

Some silly laws are just that...SILLY! But I think this law from Gary, Indiana is genius! "All persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar, bus, or train within four hours of eating anything seasoned with garlic." I am very sensitive to smells. There have been times that I've encountered a person with an odor so foul as to make me puke. This law is probably very old, and not enforced, but I would vote for an updated version here where I live. I would add to the list of places, elevators, grocery stores, malls, pretty much all public places. I would also add to the offensive odors onions, the wearing of excessive perfume and at the very top of the list...the stench of body odor hanging around a person that is opposed to bathing and using deodorant and soap! That would be a great law!

No animal lovers here!

"Its a congo line, not mating!"
This is a silly law from California. It is silly, because I can't see how anyone could prevent it! California law states, "All animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship." The animal kingdom pretty much does what it wants! How do the powers that be in  California really expect to inforce this law? See what I mean...SILLY!!!

Safe sex.




All kinds of  products come with warning labels. Even something that's use should be obvious like condoms. But alas we are a dumb, litigious society and companies employ lawyers to help write warning labels and instructions hopefully detailed enough that we consumers have no excuse to sue them for being dumb enough to use their product in the wrong way. These can be found on different condom brands. This warning is printed on packages of "Trojan" brand condoms, "Use for sex only-not to be eaten". Okay, i think most people would know that even if a condom comes in fruit flavors and scents, that they aren't a tubular shaped fruit roll up. This label on "Ansell" brand condoms has me confused, but curious. "DO NOT RETURN USED CONDOMS TO THE MANUFACTURER THROUGH THE MAIL". Why would someone want to?  Perhaps a father to be wanted the company to test the condom to see why he is a father to be? Maybe he just didn't read the use instructions very carefully! I don't know about you, but it's scary to me knowing that these dummies that can't even do something as simple as using a condom the right way could actually reproduce!

Paper or Plastic?

Reuse USA!!!!!
These actually arent that bad!
Cheap dorm decor?



What every country kitchen needs!

60's retro chair?

prom dress


this recliner looks like bagged meat...


So many people are going "GREEN" these days, and part of this trend is reusing things you would normally throw away in creative and sometimes very odd ways. I was going to post a warning label from a plastic bag, and while doing the research for a picture to go with it i found all of these stupid things people made from plastic bags. I just had to share them! I will post the warning label at another time, so for now enjoy these "fabulous" plastic masterpieces! 

Prutta srot A into srot b.


Must have gotten lost in the translation. Never has this been so true looking at these instructions on how to put  this "flying goku" toy from Japan together. I just can't imagine the frustration of a father on Christmas eve, reading these instructions over and over, trying to make sense of the very poorly translated instructions. Or perhaps it isn't just the translation! Here is a challenge for you...see if you can figure out the instructions...if you can, you deserve a degree in Japanese!

Go ahead fine me! I'm dead!

I am not sure which railroad station has this sign hanging on it's wall, but whoever designed it didn't really think it through. It reads, "touching wires causes instant death. $200 fine". Ok I was stupid enough to touch the wires...(if what the sign says is true) I'm dead...now you want to fine my corpse! Well go ahead! I'm sure ill come back from the great beyond to give you $200!!!!

Animal Rights?

Sometimes I think animal rights advocates are just a little bit....well
...NUTS! However, these laws from three different states passed to protect our animal population, are totally justified! I just feel sorry for the poor little critters that were harmed by morons creating the need to make these laws! The first one comes from Florida, "No person or persons shall molest or annoy key deer." The second comes from New York state,"It is unlawful for any person to urinate on a bird of any kind." In both of those laws there probably was an incident that prompted the need to create a law, such as an over amorous deer lover getting his "grove on" , and a drunk in central park with good aim peeing on pigeons. But this third law...Well? In California a law to protect mountain goats reads, "No sticking wooden sticks into a mountain goat's ass." They should add,"if you do and the goat kicks you in the head, TOO DARN BAD MORON!" Why would someone do that? Why I say WHY?!?

SHAVE IT, WAX IT, OR NAIR IT!

Okay my female readers, you know you have occasionally left your house a little furrier than usual, sporting that bit o stubble on your legs or under your armpits. But the lawmakers in the city of carrezo New Mexico don't want to see it! They are repulsed by stubble on women! New Mexico has this law on the books,"No female shall appear on or in any public sidewalk,street,or public park or any public place with  unshaven legs, underarms, and face." Maybe this bills sponsors were totally freaked out by the bearded lady in the circus? I am surprised that the women's rights people haven't gotten this law taken off the books!  Or at least made the law require men to shave too!

Head and Tail lights!

In my research I have found some very stupid laws. This law from Kansas ranks as one of my top ten favorites. This state law reads, "all pedestrians crossing any state highway after dark must wear tailights." My question, "how the heck do you mount tailights to your backside?", and if you manage to mount them, "where do you carry the power supply?" Best thing to do if you are in Kansas after dark, stay home and if you do go out, stay away from highways, unless your butt is a lit up!

Are horses really that afraid of cars?

This silly law comes courtesy of the state of Pennsylvania. It reads, "If a driver sees a team of horses, he is to pull to one side of the road and cover his machine with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted to blend into the scenery. In the event that a horse refuses to pass a car on the road, the owner of the vehicle must take his machine apart and conceal the parts in the bushes until the beast has passed." Only in Amish country!!!! And the people at p.e.t.a. probably are in approval of this law too!

Need an adult diaper? It "Depends".

I hope I age gracefully and can avoid having to wear underwear made of layers of absorbent paper. But alas, it is an unpleasant part of aging for a great number of seniors. "DEPEND" adult diapers come with this awesome (a strong note of sarcasm here) set of instructions on how to wear their, "underwear". "Step into underwear and pull them on just like regular underwear". They should add, "these don't look or feel like regular underwear, they are big and bulky, and once you pee, or crap in them, change them right away, they do NOT absorb odors, just liquids."

Only in Kentucky....

This law comers from Kentucky. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on a highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club" A later amendment proposed,"The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than 60pounds and not exceeding 200pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses." I would love to see a horse in a bathing suit! That would be funny! But p.e.t.a. would probably object! 

Im back! and here's your sign!

16 year old resposible?
sign on electrical box...nipples?
near an air port
another use for duct tape?





shoplifters limo service 
finally, a construction sign with truthfull information!
NO SIGNS...except for this one....


Thankyou for being so patient durning my absence. I am slowly recovering from my surgery, and i hope i havent lost you! I found these silly warning labels and signs. I got a giggle from them and i hope you will too! I will try to post more funny and stupid laws, warnings and signs. I may not do it every day, but i promise a new one at least three times a week, sometimes more! Enjoy them and please comment. I love to hear what you all think of these silly things! So if you have a comment, good bad or whatever, please share! Ive missed you all, and i hope you missed me too!

HOME SWEET HOME!

Dear friends,
I am finally home from the hospital! I was there much longer than I thought I would be. I hope you will continue to read my blog! I hope you were able to maybe read some of the archived posts you may have missed, and I promise I will start posting new material very soon! I have a lot of things I need to catch up on, and due to the fact that I'm not exactly young any more my healing has come a bit slower also! Please continue to read, laugh, and comment! And if you have anything you would like to share, please drop me an email and I would love to post it! I totally enjoy making people smile and I have many funny things I have yet to post! See ya all real soon! And also a special welcome to my new followers! Read, enjoy, comment and giggle!
Love, janene!

SWORD? ANAL DUCT? WHAT!!!

Sometimes the cure may be worse than the disease. This may be the case for a hemroid cream from Japan. The use instructions on the  Japanese hemroid cream, "POSCOOL" read, "Lie down on bed and slowly up the projected portion like a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting POSCOOL for approximately 5minutes, KEEP QUIET,"  That is exactly how it reads, bad grammar and all! Are we to assume it it so painful we will want to scream instead of, "keep quiet" or are hemroid suffering people of Japan supposed to keep it secret?

janene

COME ON WOMAN! LET'S GO!!!

Since the 1970's women have been protesting for equality. Evidently some states have failed miserably, and still treat women as "second class" citizens. One such state is Tennessee! In the city of Memphis, Tennessee it is illegal for a woman to drive a car,unless there is a man either running or walking in front of the moving vehicle waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. Although I see quite a few female idiot drivers on the streets  I still think this law is horribly wrong! I have seen bad male drivers too! Women of Memphis unite, show those stupidly misguided jerks that we females are a force to be reconned with! 

janene

OOPS!

Being a mom and having sick babies at times, I had to take their temperature. I never needed to take their temperature rectally, but if I had, I'm sure I would have kept a separate thermometer for that use only. And I'm positive I would sterilize it between use. But maybe that is just me! To help those people who aren't as germ phobic as I am, the electric thermometer manufacturer has added this warning in hopes that these non phobic people will at least follow instructions. "Do not use orally after using rectally!"

janene

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